THE NEW BOY

                                                               

I was relieved when the new boy sauntered into the office. He had good looks. For a long time, I had felt like Atlas, bearing the heavy burden of being the sexiest Black guy in the office on my not-too-broad shoulders. That, believe it or not, can be a tad wearisome. The new boy had brought some much needed competition. No, I’m lying. I’m only joking. The real story starts in the next paragraph.

Truth is, for a long time, I was the only Black on Black guy in that office. There was a mixed-race guy in there as well, in another team. But they are called “mixed-race” for a reason, hello? Then much later, a few men of melanin were thankfully drafted in. Thus, between myself and the aforementioned new boy starting, there had been two other “brothers”.  But the new guy – let’s call him by his real name Jamal* – had some confidence about him that made me pay attention. He reminded me of a younger me and that’s a massive compliment to him (no, really).

Anyway, while the ladies debated whether he was “hot or not”, I sacrificed part of my very precious time to know young Jamal. I obviously didn’t go chasing after son, no. He had (naturally) approached me. Luckily for him, we shared a few interests.

“You will be fully trained obviously, but you can always shout me whenever you need assistance with anything”, I told him.

“Cheers brother, safe.”

He had barely completed his first week of training, when he mentioned to me that he needed help. The sense of urgency about it almost had me panicking. I thought he had inadvertently downloaded a virus that would take down all systems and collapse the company in the next 24 hours or something like that.  

It turned out my offer of “assistance with anything” had been translated as assistance with anything, quite literally. Because although the issue he required “help” with had everything to do with the workplace, it had nothing to do with actual work. He wanted information on a few lovely daughters of Eve whose looks had reached out and touched him on the eyeballs. Damn, this guy really reminded me of a younger version of me. They are three. And below are the three lucky ladies;

• The Almost-Cougar; She is not a cougar per se but he, Jamal, would’ve appeared a toy-boy. She looks, to me, not a day older than 24, although word had it she is a decade older than that. Nice looks, beaming smile, cheerful face and a great pair of killer buttocks to boot. But there was a block; she is married. That is a no-go. A no-no. I told Jamal, he would have to cross her name out of his jot pad. She is perhaps married to a gentle Mr Pickering from Northampton who has never troubled anybody. It is not a nice deed to wreck homes. No amount of reckless white home-wrecking could atone for the transatlantic slave trade, so why bother? Besides, that was a grave sin.

•  The Ebony Sister; she is exactly that – an ebony sister. She really is like a sister to me. I handed her platinum advice for free. I counsel her on life, the importance of investing in the future rather than the now, family, boys etc. Being this wise, can be draining for me sometimes. And with this great mind, comes great responsibility. (Ignore the last two sentences). Anyway, Ebony Sister Keisha* is a tall, beautiful, occasionally well-behaved, Afro-haired Nubian queen who loves reading among other things. She is intelligent, has a great body and a pair of lovely long legs that reach way up into her armpit. Nice.

• The Vanilla White – AKA White Chocolate. Ashley* – yes, that is also a white girl name – is savvy, a little sassy, and an all-round great personality. She is more focused than 3/4 of people her age worldwide. True that. She has a trusted method of squeezing secrets out of the mute. Something to do with the smile perhaps? That aside, she is beautiful, dresses Hollywood-level fabulous, has a set of snow white teeth and fronts a great pair of indestructible twin towers. Nice.

Jamal wanted either of the last two. What sort of “information” was your favourite Ghetto Narrator (me, that’s who) to give? I liked Jamal but I liked Keisha and Ashley too. Would he do the Billie-Jean if he had one of them? Would he treat them nice? But boys will always be boys and Jamal was a sound guy.

And Keisha and Ashley were both technically single…

To be continued