NO REPLY 2

...From being drowsy with sleep only minutes earlier, I surprised myself with how quickly I became acutely aware of my surroundings in a flash. And it had everything to do with Ata Kak's twin standing over me with his triumphant  (yet super-infuriating) smile.

He looked remorseless. After all, he had woken me up without physically waking me up. He had achieved his aim. I knew he was not entertaining thoughts of robbing a brother. I did not think that robbing innocent people with a smile on the perpetrator's face was the in-thing. Also, there were about a million cameras on the train and we were not remotely close to our destination.

So, what did this stranger want? I hoped he wasn't after a piece of my ass long d*** style, because if he was, then he was about to get his ass kicked, skinny fist style. Obviously, I have nothing against homosexuals but I am straight-er than the Prime Meridian. And rape is wrong.

He sat down but respectfully kept an empty seat between us. So obviously that eliminated certain thoughts. So what does this guy want from me? Is he lonely? Why doesn't he call his partner? Or his ex? Or his mother or grandmother? That is what a mobile phone is for, no?

I had so much to ask him and to say to him but when I opened my chapped lips to speak all that came out was;

"Ummmm?"

And he laughed. He had the effrontery to laugh. Then he mumbled his name -  which I heard - but rapidly forgot even before unclasping my hands from his pretty firm grip. He started by saying he was Brazilian working for a consortium which had subcontracted his boss for a major project. They had been flown from Rio. Hmmm, impressive. 

He was the most African-looking Brazilian I had ever seen. Even more so than Ramires Santos do Nascimento. But I was not too surprised because Brazil has the biggest population of Black people in the world, Nigeria aside (I bet you did not know that, did you?). [You see what the Slave Bastards oops I meant the Slave "Masters" did to the Motherland?] 

He went deep into conversation - more with himself than with me - and I listened and gave curt but polite responses when he asked questions. If I was trying to discourage him, I was failing at it because he kept going on and on like the late Notorious BIG. After a small pause, he made a bold but vague statement. Although it was only his opinion, I took it upon myself to explain to him why his statement was unjustifiable. Three minutes into my lecture, I realized I had been speaking for three minutes. So I stopped mid-sentence and looked him dead in the eyes. The triumphant smile had returned. He had succeeded in opening me up like a melon. He did not, for one minute, believe that Leicester City will win the Premier League. He had spotted me reading the old newspaper form the sports pages first and backwards and assumed I was a sports fan. He just said that to get me to react. Back in the day, when I was a young womanizer, I will criticize a woman's driving or say something completely baseless that a girl was interested in to get the target to chatter/argue away. So he had tricked me. Smart, smart, smart.

"What do you want from me, man?" I said without warning. It was his turn to be surprised. I cracked my first genuine smile of the night. 

"£25." Just like that?

My Brazilian specialist wanted £25 from an ordinary survivor like me. Why £25? Why not £20 or £30? Strange guy.  

"You know this will not be re-payable, so it will be hard for me to give away £25 just like that. I barely know you, brother." (I added "brother" so I did not seem like a mean bastard).

"But it's a small world and you may need me some day too."

"That is true but I didn't budget this particular expenditure, if you get me." Then we went into talk about ways to penny-pinch in the present blistering UK economy. 

"It was, for instance, sensible to park and get on the train to London. It would've cost you more. But then it would've cost you less to get a Megabus ticket rather than a Virgin train" I said.

"But you did the same thing." 

Well, I'm not asking you for £25, am I? Obviously, I did not put it that bluntly to him but I did say it in a way that wasn't as brash but it still hit home. Before, either of us knew it we were home.

We swapped numbers and I immediately put up a picture of my entire family up as my WhatsApp Display Picture to deter him from asking me for any further soft loans in future. Of course that did not work and he doubled up and asked me for £50 just the next morning.  

How I always meet these nutters, I will never know. But very peculiar people seem to gravitate towards me for reasons yet unknown. And as you may have guessed, I did not give him 50p (the equivalent of a single pee fee) let alone £50. I have since sent Ata Kak twin a happy new year message which he's yet to reply. He must be sulking - obviously nurturing a hump because I'm not as generous as I may have looked on the train. 

Well, I usually delete contacts, after reasonable time, if and when a reply-able message I sent is aired. (And yes, I know it's childish!) But c'mon I gave him enough time as I was feeling kind in the new year but I am deleting his number after this post.

*Delete Ata Kak's Brazilian brother's number*...