TOP 10 BLASPHEMOUS NAS LINES

                                                    ENGLAND vs ITALY

Italy kicked it all off. Statement of intent came within 3 minutes, when attention addict M Balotelli tried a lame shot from distance.

De Rossi was next to make his mark. The man with a shirt that bared his right fore-arm, but strangely had a long left sleeve, struck the ball viciously with his left foot from 25 yards. The ball came back off the woodwork.

England replied with an attack of their own as G Johnson hit a clumsy close-range shot. Buffon’s sharp reflexes kept the score at 0-0. All that action was within 10 minutes, so fans knew they were in for a thriller.

M Balotelli had a great chance to put the Azzuri ahead when he broke free, but a moment of hesitation -just like in the game against Spain- allowed J Terry to block his attempted lob.

A Pirlo jogging in the middle of the park was pulling the strings like Don Corleone, while his less sophisticated opponent S Parker played “destroyer”. M Balotelli had yet another chance within the quarter-hour mark but an awkward bounce had him volleying at an acute angle resulting in a routine save for J Hart.

With four minutes to go to the end of the first half, J Lescott and J Terry combined to thwart another M Balotelli effort. He was conducting himself with Pope-like poise. The entertaining first half ended goalless, with no bookings.

                                                             SECOND HALF

The first chance of the second half fell to De Rossi who miscued and miskicked from two yards out a la G Johnson. Italy kept having chance after glorious chance but conversion rate was still 0%.

J Lescott was having a torrid game against his Manchester City team-mate M Balotelli.

In the 60^th minute, the mad genius that they call “Super Mario”, controlled a ball on his chest, and unleashed an overhead kick that whisked pass J Hart’s upright.

England-perhaps taking a cue from Balotelli’s aerial and physical threat-sent on A Carroll for the ineffective D Wellbeck. T Walcott also replaced J Milner.

Italy also sent on A Diamante for A Cassano. Nocerino also came on for the tired De Rossi. The Italians seemed to be more purposeful for long periods of the second half. Later, caution was in the saddle as both teams decided to ride it out.

With 2 minutes to go though, Nocerino the subtitute controlled beautifully with his left foot but his right-footed shot was blocked by the industrious G Johnson.

With regular time over, C Abate was also replaced. Italy must have been expecting it. The last chance of the game though fell to Rooney. An A Cole cross was brought back into play by A Carroll’s immense head but Rooney’s attempted overhead kick was a far cry from the one he scored against Manchester City some time back.

                                                           EXTRA TIME

Nasri, another Manchester City player had put one past J Hart in a previous game. M Balotelli tried all he could to replicate that but J Hart wasn’t budging. The latter was having the game of his life. The Italians hit the woodwork once again as A Diamante’s shot/cross struck J Hart’s right upright.

The assistant referee came to England’s aid as he awarded them an offside decision after Italy put the ball in J Hart’s net.

Cliché as it may sound, the second half of extra time continued where the first one left off. Goalless it ended after 120+ minutes.

                                                         PENALTIES 

If penalties really is all about luck, then the English have none. I am not even going to talk about their previous records, because that will bore you to sleep.

As fate would have it, it was M Balotelli against J Hart for the first take. J Hart had previously confessed to saving 1 Balotelli penalty in about a 100 in training, so this was a good chance to make it 2 out of 101 with the world as the audience.

J Hart guessed right but couldn’t save the kick. Captain S Gerrard also scored from the spot. With the supposedly best Italian spot kicker Montolivo missing the entire target, it was advantage England. Rooney scored.  It was all too much for J Hart who kept screaming and making weird movements, yet A Pirlo scored with cheeky ease. It was an outrageous chip that had the English flapping his left foot in mid-air in an attempt to save. When the Ashley Young (cross-bar) and Ashley Cole (Buffon save)  missed their kicks consecutively, everyone knew the England penalty hex had struck again. Not even The Queen’s jubilee celebrations could break that curse.

Italy converted their 4^th penalty and they were in the semis……..

Germany waiting.

Lenny Briscoe II& Poison Pen Inc