THE LENNY BRISCOE II REPORT

Being the occasional insomniac – no, I’m lying – being a habitual insomniac, I was flipping channels the other day when I stumbled across something on a random channel that almost knocked me off my knock-off couch. Showing on KOTV was a truly memorable Azumah Nelson fight from decades ago. I felt a tsunami of memories flooding my mind and I remembered exactly where I was when that particular fight aired live (yes, I know I’m old school). That was the era when GBC-TV hadn’t been funkified to GTV. Transmission started at about 16:00 every weekday and 10:00AM on weekends. They brought “transmission to a close” at midnight, every night. The Azumah Nelson fight was at 05:00AM. What that meant was that the station will bring the fight live to the nation and after the fight the personnel – together with their Abraham Lincoln-period machines – will go to sleep again, and resume broadcast at 10:00AM. I was a little tyke with no fancy-ass alarms on a smart phone. I did have a JJ Raw

1.        An uncompromising encounter between….      [A football match] 2.        Playing from left to right                                   [or right to left] 3.        A ding-dong affair                                             [nothing sexual please] 4.        Nimble-footed 5.        Cheeky backheel, cheeky flick, cheeky lob      [All cheeky everything] ref#41 6.        Heads go up   7.        Oluwaaaaaa!                                                     [What does that even mean?] 8.        Second bite of the cherry 9.        A cagey tie 10.    A delight to watch 11.    Delightful play 12.    Midfield maestro 13.    Briiiiiizil                                                             [Brazil] 14.    Under intense pressure 15.     Cynical challenge 16.    Professional foul 17.    Four-times-African-Champions                         [Egypt has won it about a 1000 times since] 18.    Stiff opposition                                       

                                                    They are saying that for the new year we need one of those beautiful-ass country counters that show you where readership traffic is coming from or even plain old stalking. I am not too sure the need for that but the reader is always right, right? Right. I do not know why a reader would want to know where the other readers are reading from but it’s a strange world, right? Right. Anyway, knowing how extremely skilled I am at computer stuff, it would take me another 365 days to figure out how to add the widget! Another crazy thing: Your original counter freezes soon as you put one of them country thingys on. Is it all worth it? Well, well……………

                                        The so-called Social Media is here to stay. It is not just a part of our lives anymore; it is a way of life for most people. Be honest. You have said “what is on your mind” countless times, re-tweeted every little burp of your favourite “personalities” a million times, instagrammed the story of your life away and it doesn’t stop there, does it? I am old school so I can’t keep up with the newest forms of social networking. It is life a full time job now trying to stay abreast with the slightly veiled forms such as LinkedIn, WordPress, Blogspots, Tumblr etc. (What the hell happened to the trail blazers like hi5 and Pingu? What? Was it their names that let them down?) Anyway, the first thing people do now when they wake up from the mat is to check Social Media especially Facebook and Twitter. I am not making that up, I read that somewhere but don’t ask because I can’t remember. Back in the day, people checked missed calls and text messages

                                           I was digging through the crates the other day. I came across a book; it had “A Clockwork Orange” written on the spine. I did not even try to understand what that title meant there and then but I was curious about its content so I skimmed through it. I found it near impossible to go through the first few pages. Why? Because the slang in there had an 18th century feel to it. It was either that or the whole text was written in a language remotely similar to English but not really English. I mean what’s with the pletchoes (shoulders), litso (face), Gulliver (head), rot (mouth), ooko (ear), glazies (eyes) sharries (something really private), yarbles (something really, really private) “the old in-out-in-out” (sex) etc, etc and such and such? And all that is but a tiny fraction of the monstrous glossary of slang Anthony Burgess used all throughout the book. The wonderful thing, though, is that as I read on, the words seemed to mak